How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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