why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
