paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
