google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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