don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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