I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
