I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
