but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
