that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
