Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
