your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
