I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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