My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
