Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
