My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
