I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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