She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
