We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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