I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
