He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
