i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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