I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
These tits shall not be calmed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
