May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
