You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
