I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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