i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
50% drunk capacity currently
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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