chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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