the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
