well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
