At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
