Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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