I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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