and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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