2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
