I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
