the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
