Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
