Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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