You made me cry and you don't even care
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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