If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
