She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
