Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
