Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
