thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
