Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
