I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
