I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
