I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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