It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
