Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
