He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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