Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
organizing the empties. That sober.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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