Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
