my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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