I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
